Just a few days after I started to talk again, I beckoned Paul to my bedside. I asked whether we could have a baby. He was surprised of course but agreed, saying that now probably wasn't the right time...but soon!
I know that I've always wanted to have children. But I'd never really had the emotional urge to, the way I've seen in other people. I always saw it as something that we'd do in the future. But when I awoke from my coma, there was only one thing I wanted. It was a guttural, deep inside, longing. I've always wondered whether it was simply my age, or whether my near-death experience had caused my body to change?
To cut a very long story short - trying in normal biological way - IVF - miscarriage - pregnant - utter disbelief
When we went for our 12-week scan, the nurse, mid ultrasound, asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. I told her. My lifelong hope was that I'd have a little boy. She looked openly relieved and told me it was.
I was classed as geriatric when I went to give birth. When he came out and was laid on my chest, I had nothing to say. This tiny, pink, moving, crying creature that was half Paul and half me. There was nothing I needed to say.
He has become my life. We've had our problems of course, but he has become a funny, interested, loving, bouncy, stubborn, strong willed little character.
He has been everything I hoped for and way, way more than that ❤️